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Perfectionism Trap

Writer: Britt RitchieBritt Ritchie
Mar 255 min read

The Perfectionism Trap:

How Trying to ‘Hold It All Together’ Leads to Burnout

Perfectionism
She’s got the planner, the posture, and the burnout. Perfectionism looks polished—until it doesn’t. Let's talk about it. 👇 #Perfectionism #Burnout

Let me guess.


You’re the reliable one. The fixer. The one with the color-coded planner, the backup charger, and enough anxiety to power a small city.


You’re the one people call when they need help. And you always come through.


Until you don’t.


Because lately you feel like you’re falling apart—quietly, of course. Internally.


Professionally, you're still showing up. Emotionally, you're wondering how long you can keep going like this before something breaks—but you keep pushing anyway, because slowing down feels scarier than burning out.


Welcome to the Perfectionism Trap. It’s where high-functioning, hyper-responsible women like us go to almost break down, then shame ourselves for even thinking about it.


And I'm not writing this as someone who's figured it all out. I’m writing this as someone who's been there. Perfectionism has been stitched into the fabric of my identity for as long as I can remember. It showed up in school, in friendships, in every attempt to be "good enough" without ever feeling like I truly was. It even shaped how I experienced social anxiety. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I didn’t seek help sooner was because I was too busy trying to seem like I had it all together.


 

Burnout in a Blazer: The Hidden Cost of Always Being "Fine"


Perfectionism isn’t just a personality quirk—it’s a full-blown coping mechanism.


We were taught that being good meant being busy. Being valuable meant being needed. And being enough meant being perfect.


So we keep saying yes. We keep doing more. We keep setting absurdly high standards for ourselves, then punishing ourselves for not meeting them.


And surprise—our brains and bodies eventually say, "No thanks. We’re done now."


This, friends, is burnout. And when perfectionism is driving the bus? That bus is headed straight for emotional exhaustion, mental fog, physical fatigue, and a deeply unhealthy caffeine dependency.


According to Maslach and Leiter (2016), burnout is characterized by emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a reduced sense of personal accomplishment. Sound familiar?


And research shows that burnout among women—especially those in caregiving or helping roles—is not only common but often overlooked. A 2021 study by Samra et al. found that women experiencing burnout often internalize it as personal failure, particularly when perfectionistic tendencies are present. The pressure to constantly appear competent and composed increases emotional strain and can delay seeking help (Samra et al., 2021).


This connection is echoed in recent findings by Lloyd et al. (2023), who note that maladaptive perfectionism—especially self-critical perfectionism—is a significant risk factor for chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion. Their review highlights how perfectionistic individuals often set unrealistic expectations and struggle to feel satisfied with their performance, which contributes to prolonged burnout symptoms.


 

Perfectionism: The Silent Partner of Burnout


Here’s the thing: perfectionism and burnout are besties. Codependent roommates. They enable each other like it’s their job.


Perfectionism tells you that rest is lazy. Burnout makes sure you’re too exhausted to enjoy it anyway.


Perfectionism says, "You can do it all." Burnout whispers, "Not anymore."


Perfectionism keeps you performing. Burnout keeps you numb.


And together, they keep you stuck in a loop of high-achieving misery.


 

How to Know You're Trapped in Perfectionism-Driven Burnout


One of the trickiest parts of perfectionism is that even when you achieve something—a goal, an award, a promotion—it never really feels like a win. You either downplay it, telling yourself it wasn’t a big deal, or you dismiss it altogether because you think you could’ve done better. That sense of accomplishment you're chasing always seems just out of reach. It's not that you're not achieving. It's that perfectionism won't let you feel it.


  • You feel guilty when you rest, so you avoid it

  • You’re constantly mentally calculating your productivity

  • You get irritable over "little" things, then beat yourself up for it

  • You can’t remember the last time you felt joy without strings attached

  • You’re either wired or completely wiped—no in between

  • You feel like you’re faking it, even when everyone else thinks you’re crushing it


If you see yourself in any of this, please know—you’re not alone. You’ve been carrying a heavy load for a long time, doing the best you can with the tools you were given.


There’s another way forward—and you don’t have to keep doing this the hard way.


 

Escape the Trap: 5 Ways to Start Unhooking from Perfectionism


1. Get Curious About the "Why"

  • Most perfectionism starts as a protective strategy. Somewhere along the way, you learned that being perfect kept you safe, accepted, or in control. Understanding that can help loosen its grip.


2. Learn to Tolerate "Good Enough"

  • Your perfectionist brain will scream, "But it has to be the BEST!" Practice letting yourself submit the thing, send the email, or make the decision when it's 80% done. Done is better than idealized oblivion.


3. Interrupt the Cycle with Self-Compassion

  • Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion (Neff, 2003) shows it’s not just a nice idea—it’s essential to resilience. Instead of bullying yourself into burnout, try speaking to yourself like you would to your best friend.


4. Regulate Your Nervous System


5. Redefine Success on Your Terms

  • What if success looked like being present?

  • Rested?

  • Joyful?

  • Start measuring your worth by how you feel, not just how much you do.


"You don’t need to do more. You need to feel more supported doing less."


Perfectionism convinces you that you have to earn your rest. Burnout reminds you what happens when you don’t.


If you’re ready to stop the cycle, my 7-Day Mental Health Reset was made for you. It’s a free, easy-to-follow guide designed for women like us—driven, exhausted, and finally ready to try something that puts well-being first.


Ready to trade pressure for peace?

Start your reset here → 7-Day Mental Health Reset


And if you try the 7-Day Mental Health Reset, I’d genuinely love to hear how it lands for you. Feel free to message me on Instagram or email me to share your thoughts, insights, or even your resistance—because this work is personal, and connection matters.


Where Does Perfectionism Show Up Most for You?

  • My work and career

  • My relationships (romantic, family, or friendships)

  • My physical appearance or health

  • My mental health and emotional well-being




References

  • Lloyd, J., Schmidt, J. A., Ingram, M. A., & Jassi, A. (2023). Psychological interventions for perfectionism: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 52(5), 460–487. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506073.2023.2211736

  • Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). Burnout. In G. Fink (Ed.), Stress: Concepts, Cognition, Emotion, and Behavior (pp. 351–357). Academic Press.

  • Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–249. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027

  • Samra, R., Bott, S., Bhutani, G., & Mackenzie, R. (2021). Understanding and responding to burnout among women in medicine: A narrative review. Australasian Psychiatry, 29(6), 625–627. https://doi.org/10.1177/10398562211037332

  • Image: OpenAI. (2025). A woman sitting at a clean, aesthetically organized desk showing signs of burnout. DALL·E. https://chat.openai.com/

 
 
 

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